Notice the Ordinary

Welcome back to Anatomy of a Poem.
This week, we are finally looking at our first poem. 
I wrote this one back in 2018.

Let’s dive in and figure out what the hell I was going through at the time.

---

i am an old instrument
i am hollow
and out of tune

neglected
in the corner
of my bedroom

i am off beat

my strings 
are breaking
one 
by 
one

my sound
inauthentic
an echo
of something
that was beautiful
once

pick me up
dust me off
and hold me close

so that my heart
can find its rhythm
and sing
like it used to

---

When I begin to write a poem, it’s usually based on either something that I can see right in front of me + whatever mood I happen to be in that day.

Although, I will say that I have had plenty of moments where I have been brushing my teeth or driving my car when a random line will jump into my brain.

I would like to thank my ADHD for the never ending thought stream. It definitely helps.

With that said, I remember where I was and how I was feeling when I wrote this piece.

I was sitting in my bedroom, alone.

My acoustic guitar was resting on its stand in the corner of my room. It was dusty and had a broken string. I felt sad for it. It was the perfect reflection of my current mental state.

I was in a pretty bad depressive episode at the time. I also hadn’t picked up my guitar in months.

I just remember looking at it, studying it, and relating to it. So I began making the comparisons.

“I am an old instrument”

I felt worn out. Aged beyond my years. Tired and beaten.

“Hollow and out of tune”

Out of tune. Out of touch, like I hadn’t seen the sun or a friend in days.

“An echo of something that was beautiful once”

How did I end up here, feeling so low and sad? I used to be vibrant. I was an entirely different person before the depression hit. I missed her.

Even the way the poem is structured reflects brokenness. Incompleteness. Like the words are breaking off of each other. It’s too hard to speak in full sentences. It takes too much energy, so you gasp out the words instead. This is what depression feels like to me.

I didn’t feel like myself at all and this was the perfect way to describe that experience.

It always helps to have a visual when I write. When you have a tangible subject, you can describe textures, colors, scent, etc. You bring your reader into the room with you. Imagery is the most beautiful and powerful tool.

I want you to look at an object near you. 
Really look at it. Describe it. Touch it if you can.
Does it evoke anything for you? A feeling? A memory?
Try to figure out how you relate to this object. Personify it.

I’m sure if we tried, we could find a way to relate to any object on this planet.

For example, right next to me is a bowl of popcorn. I pick up a piece, roll it between my fingers, look at it, and eat it.
Mmm. The taste of nostalgia. It takes me back to going to the movies when I was a kid.

In fact, my first date was at a movie theater. So popcorn to me means sharing. It means experience. It means friendship…and it means my dad walking me right up to my date at the movie theater and embarrassing me.

You would be surprised at how much you can notice about a seemingly every day experience when you tap into your senses. It’s meditative.

Another beautiful thing about poetry is just that - it can take ordinary, boring, everyday things and turn them into works of art.

This poem, I am an old instrument, means a lot to me. Thank you for letting me share it with you.

Let us practice this mindfulness together. Take an extra moment throughout your day to notice the ordinary.

Beauty is all around us when we take the time to appreciate it!

Let me know what you discover.

Until next time,

The only rules are the ones you write!
xx
Caitlin Sheek